Yes its that time of year again, and a happy new year to you. Hopefully despite my imminent retirement, I might be asked back at the end of 2016 to look at just how accurate I was in 2016.
Looking back to 2015, well it was a bit of a curate's egg – good in parts. I predicted that Leicester City would survive and against all the odds they did. What I failed to predict was their rise to the top of the Premiership by mid December – people would accuse me of leaving my senses if I predicted that.
England to win the Ashes back and Leicestershire to win a match (tick), both correct, the Rugby – badly out and badly let down by Lancaster’s naivety.
Politically – nearly right (geddit ) - Conservatives as the biggest party (correct) but no rematch in October, Lib Dems in a telephone box – spot on – Ed went but didn’t predict the Corbyn gig – mind you neither did he.
Right about Putin’s stack heels, didn’t take the leap with double denim sweeping the nation however, Lionel Blair's’ back – well to a degree.
Housing - spot on, starts might not reach 150,000 but not far off and tradesmen continue to charge what they like.
We did have a very nice party in September for our thirtieth, but Gavin Tadman still hasn’t come up with the goods as far as buying a round – the shoe-laces in the doorway trick gets a bit dull after all these years.
Twitter Thursday predicted, well we did get Cyber Monday instead – what’s that all about.
Score: 9 out of 15, that’ll make Doris Stokes turn in her grave.
So to 2016 – what do I predict for this year.
Here’s 16 for ‘16
1. Firstly a retirement – by no later than the 1st April – can’t think whom
2. Leicester City maintain their top 4 status to claim a Champions League spot. Arsenal, Man City and Liverpool in the mix but a team in blue win the league.
3. Jamie Vardy scores more goals than the whole of the Man Utd team combined, score at home in the season.
4. Drug taking scandal reaches nadir when the Russian Chess Team are banned from International competition for adding speed to the oppositions herbal tea infusion.
5. England reach the semis of the European Football Championship, gunned down by Wales.
6. Great Britain slip down the Olympics medal table to sixth
7. Jeremy Corbyn ousted by September.
8. The return of punk and the vinyl record (did they ever go away).
9. FIFA new President – Lord Dave of Beckham.
10. Banksy’s true identity revealed – the ghost of Tony Hart
11. A bank rate rise in November 2016
12. New runway for London announced – Redhill Aerodrome – very convenient for the shops.
13. Leeds United for the first time in 2 years have less managers than months in a season
14. Poundland takes over its nearest rival “twobobcountry”
15. Chris Froome wins Tour de France for the third time
16. Greg Wallace mistaking himself for a kebab, eats himself alive on Celebrity Masterchef Get Me Out of Here, Strictly Come TOWIE
And finally the Last Japanese soldier comes out of the jungle on the Pacific Islands of Fukuada, aged 95 and asks whether Billy Bonds still plays for West Ham United. The old ones are the best uns – exit centre.
Happy new year